How to Become a Failed Foster

Hi there everyone. You all may think you know a lot about me, since my mom’s been clicking away on this shiny silver box thing here for months, but the truth is, you have NO idea. I’m in charge today, and it’s time you heard things from my perspective. I’m Georgia, and I have some things to say.

In general, I’m a pretty quiet dog. I like to sleep. A lot. And I like to eat. A lot. And really… well, that’s about it. I’m pretty easy. I will maybe run for like 30 seconds each day, and chew on a bone for about 10 minutes. These tall hoomans in my house try to get us to do activities and learn new things and work hard for what we want, but at the end of the day, I would rather just sleep on the couch with them. (By the way, don’t let all of those ‘cuddley’ photos fool you. I only snuggle with them because it makes for a nice place to rest my head. Seriously, that’s it.) But to be honest, all of this quiet and laziness makes my brain super bouncy, and so now I have a lot I want to share with you.

This message is not for you fosters or owners. This is a public service announcement for all of those foster pups. I know who you are and what you’re all about, because I was once one of you. It’s time to talk about how you take the foster out of your name, and insert FOREVER. That’s right, with my charm and cuddles, I pulled one over on my family, and convinced them that I was here to stay. Because of this, they call themselves ‘foster failures’ but I don’t get it… I mean, how lucky are they to live with me for the rest of our lives? Pretty darn, I’d say… nothing ‘FAIL’ about it.

Let’s get down to the basics. I call it:

How to Make Your Fosters Fail

(Without even really trying!)

1)   Be adorable

DSC_0018_2

This includes posing for photos and making funny faces (ears like mine work well for this. But work with what you’ve got.) Photos are what happen when the big clicking box comes out. Sometimes it shines bright lights, too. They will then put those photos on here, for the interwebs to view your loverliness. Bonus points if you can stand little fuzzy animals or short, noisy hoomans long enough for the box to come out, because then your hoomans will REALLY want to keep you.

2)   Play hard to get

Works like a charm

Works like a charm

See, when the hoomans come home, I act SO EXCITED to see them. More on that, later. But I make sure to only wag my tail a lot when they come home, or when they have something I want to eat. This way, they think I am sad or depressed all the other times, and want to find ways to cheer me up. They will say things like ‘Poor, widdle, wonewy peeble.’ with upside-down smiles on their faces. This is typically followed by cheese or table scraps, or other things that are Not Allowed, like snuggles on the bed.

3)   Play not-so-hard-to-get, too.

Trust me, this was all for their benefit. I'm only pretending to enjoy this.

Trust me, this was all for their benefit. I’m only pretending to enjoy this.

Okay, so sometimes you need to throw them a bone. And I don’t mean you have to share your toys. I’m saying that sometimes, you need to make the hoomans think that they are your favorite. This includes cuddling and snuggling and following them around with big, wide eyes (you know, like when you look at canned food in your bowl, or smell bacon on the stove). And really, the snuggling is not so bad. Like I said, it keeps you warm and gives you a good head rest, if nothing else.

4)   Pretend to like the other animals in your house

DSC_0012

This was a hard one for me. At first I was convinced that all other animals in the world were out to bite me. But it turns out, the black dogs in this house just wanted to play bitey face and snuggle. I’ve learned to get along with these other dogs in my house, and it turns out that life is better with friends. Who knew? It was weird at first, but now it’s kind of nice. I get to boss around the little one. She can be very annoying, but secretly she’s my best friend. I’m not really happy unless I can see her or know she is nearby. And I take the best snoozes when she is with me. But don’t tell her that.

The taller one and I are still working things out. See, he thinks he’s in charge, so I let him think that most of the time, unless there is a toy I really want… and usually that just means a toy another dog already has and really likes. He is a goody two-shoes, always sniffing kissing the hoomans’ butts and pretending he’s The Best Dog Ever. We get along though, don’t worry.

And then there’s the cat. That’s what my hoomans call those oversized squirrels that live inside. Who knew that cats weren’t just moving squeaky toys? Not me. But apparently in this house, they deserve to live? Whatever. Just pretend you like it, and you’re golden. THEN and only then, you can secretly plot their demise. But throw in moments like this for good measure, particularly if there is one of those clicking boxes nearby for proof. Don’t worry, none of the other dogs will be fooled. We all know that dogs liking cats would be ridiculous.

I was there first. I swear.

I was there first. I swear.

5)   Become really good at things

My most adoring fans may remember this post, where my mom showed you all the things I was useful for, like helping out around the house. If you are a handy-dog, they will not be able to imagine their lives without you! They will need your skillz and worry how they would survive without them. Be useful to them, be it guarding their house from squirrels mice with wings intruders, or being a doggie vacuum.

6)   Be bad though, too

Here is where things can get confusing. But what I’ve learned, is that there are perks to being just a Little Bit Bad. See, for one, being naughty can be kind of adorable. As long as it’s not something that is too stinky. But just little bits of bad things make the hoomans smile. It’s even better if these things make them think that you just really love them a lot. Like jumping on them, giving kisses, or crying when they leave. This will make them think that they are your Favorite Thing Ever. Even if they’re not.

Plus, if you are a Little Bit Bad, they will want to help you Become Better. Becoming Better means going to places with other dogs and having some loud hooman tell your hooman what they are doing wrong. It’s actually pretty funny to see them being yelled at for once! OH, and you get to eat TONS of yummy food in the process. Anyway, activities like this seem to make the hoomans grow more attached to you. Something about being a team, and reaching goals and achievements.

The day I Became Better

The day I Became Better

Look, I’m no professional. I was bounced around between more than my fair share of homes. But the bottom line is that I landed one of the best. This means that I get all the walks and play time I want. Plus, there is enough food (I guess. I mean, I’m still here aren’t I? But certainly not as much as I deserve) and I get treats for doing the things they like. There are lots of fluffy places to nap, and I’m even allowed up on the hooman’s dog bed sometimes. And like I said, the other animals can be used to my advantage, so even that has its perks. What I’m trying to tell you is that if you have a foster home, it’s certainly better than the shelter or the streets. And if your family has decided to foster, they probably like dogs a lot, and maybe understand you more than the average dumb hooman. So find a way to make yourself adorable, good, bad, loving, independent, & useful, and they won’t be able to ever say goodbye! And maybe if you’re really good at all of that, they’ll even let you hi-jack the interwebs from time to time. 😉

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